Fatigue

Sometimes I wish that I do not need to sleep at all, and can go on and on like an Energizer bunny. I laid on my bed obstinately when my alarm clock went off this morning, yearning for another moment for sleep. My fatigue reminds me of my mortality, and I am not sure whether I should be grateful for that.

Am I biting off more than I can chew? I love to believe that I am invincible, but it is rather depressing to realize that I have not even finished half of what I set out to do 3 years ago. Call it quarter life crisis, or anything - it is rather apt too, considering I'll be 25 years old in about 2 months' time.

I think I am less anxious about where I am heading now, compared to like a few years ago. Financial independence could have something to do with this, or perhaps I have realised that I don't really have a lot of control over where life is taking me to. It has been a roller-coaster ride over the past few years, and even in the past few months. I did not see certain things coming at all, and was pleasantly surprised when they crept up behind me.

Was having a nice chat with K the other day, and she told me that she has noticed a change in my attitude towards love in the past year. I told her that I don't think I've changed that much in one year, but I am certainly behaving in a very different way, as compared to when I was 18 years old.

She got curious, and asked me how I was like when I was 18. I said, "I believed in eternal love. Hahaha. It means total sacrifice and waiting forever. Starry eyes starry eyes blah blah blah."

She was amused, and told me that she used to behave that way too. How surprising, considering how rational I find her to be.

This is a rare personal reflection. After all, I only live once. I need moments like this to remind myself that I am human.